Living Single

February 13, 2016

 

For some reason February the 14th is a day in which we willingly or unwillingly think and evaluate our relationship status.  Some people affirm that they couldn’t care less about Valentine’s Day; others have a firm belief that it is only a marketing strategy and others really get into it and make it a memorable event every year.  No matter what our approach is, in some way it forces us to think on our relationship situation.  If you have a partner, it’s kind of a no-brainer day.  Either you chose to fight for a table at an over priced restaurant, you do your own thing, or you simply do nothing with this day.  But what happens when you are single?

 

Being single during Valentine’s Day can be a little tricky.  Whether we like it or not, singles get constant social pressure and bothersome questions. “Are you going on a date today? Who’s the lucky one? Are you getting some tonight?”  At times, people get sad because they don’t have a relationship on Valentine’s Day, yet they have been alone the whole year!  The truth is that when we have any form of “distress” because of this it may be that we are not fully happy with who we are as a single person.  Here are some things you can think about during single life: 

 

The Tarzan Complex

 

People at times tend to swing from one relationship to another just like Tarzan would swing from one rope to another.  Why do people do this in the first place? 

 

Some of the reasons are: 

 

•   Fear of being alone

•   Have never been alone in their adult life

•   Financial needs

•   Not wanting to deal with the loss of a relationship

•   Having someone in line

•   Housing issues

 

Regardless of the situation, swinging from one relationship to another prevent us from fully dealing with the loss of a relationship and learning from it.  Keep in mind that the person next in line will deal with the crap the previous one did.  Needless to say, this is a very important step if you have children. 

 

 

You are what you do

 

People always complain about not finding anyone worthwhile.  Good relationships are like parking spaces, the good ones are taken and the available ones are reserved.  The first thing people think about dating is that “you have to go out and meet people”.  The problem is that everyone literally goes out to a bar/club and tries to find their soul mate, yet I am not sure that a bar would be the perfect fishing pond for a healthy relationship.  

 

It is not the city’s fault that it does not produce “good catches”.  It is our responsibility to have a meaningful lifestyle that allows us to attract people with similar interests.  In other words, a good lifestyle will attract good people.    How do we do this then?

 

In order to do develop a healthy lifestyle, we must do three things:

 

Have meaningful hobbies 

 

When we were children, we would meet our friends by playing with them.  Having fun is with no doubt the best way to meet people.  As we grow old, we tend to forget about having fun at times and become too fixed on our “adult life”.  Work, kids and responsibilities can consume us and drain our energy. 

 

Doing the things we enjoy will help us stay happy and meet people with similar interests.  Getting exposed doesn’t precisely involve drinking and clubbing, it involves meeting people that you like as a person and you enjoy spending time with them.  Wouldn’t it be fun to have someone to share your passions?  

 

Enjoy your responsibilities

 

One of the worse turn offs is listening to your date complaining about their job, school or home.  Establishing relationships through conflict will result in conflict; therefore, learning to love what we do and taking pride on it will help us have a positive attitude.  If you meet someone that is negative about his / her life and constantly complain about work or home, just turn away and keep walking. 

 

If you don’t like something in your life, change it.  If it cannot change, then accept it.

 

Enjoy your loved ones

 

When you want to know how someone will treat you in the future, see how he/she treat his/her parents or loved ones.  Being surrounded by people you love and enjoy is priceless.  We do not need a partner to be happy, but we do need to have a sense of belonging.  One of the main signs of a bad relationship is isolating us from our family and friends.  If you are in this situation, then this could be a good time to evaluate your friends and the type of relationship you have with your loved ones.  If we are happy with the way we get along with our loved ones, it will be much easier to introduce our future partners to them. 

 

To conclude, this sounds very simple to achieve but the key is to be able to enjoy all of this ALONE.  If we feel comfortable with how we live, then someone should come and complement our life rather than needing one to come and fix it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Gerardo Rosas